youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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