omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
