My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
