I hate all girls vehemently.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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