"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
