real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
