you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
