brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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