I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
