Define "chronic" masturbator.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
