i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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