How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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