Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
