If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
