Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
