if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can I color on your dick again?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
