I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
