it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
