If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
