You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
