it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
