you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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