i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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