shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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