I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
