Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
