dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
