she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
