I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
