I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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