Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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