the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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