At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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