I wish I could teleport
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
