Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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