he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The air taste purple.
Randomize
