sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
