Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
they need to just BURY HIM!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my shit smells like andre
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
