There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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