It's Friday. Sex?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
