He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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