he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
