You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
wow bdsm is so cute
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
