Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The air was thick with penises
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
