I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
