I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
