all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
