I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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