I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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