Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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